tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post7490582518832647631..comments2023-12-03T06:40:50.836-08:00Comments on Capricious Bubbles: AmbiguitiesShinyunghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03223210004939369907noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-56442985143706244492009-02-02T10:19:28.743-08:002009-02-02T10:19:28.743-08:00I don't know you, but I wish I could hug you f...I don't know you, but I wish I could hug you for this post! I'm a biglaw associate and recently had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I have been following your story and have thought many of the same thoughts, but you put them so eloquently. I would love for you to write a book. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-28058233081087344522009-02-02T10:28:35.483-08:002009-02-02T10:28:35.483-08:00First of all, congratulations! And I will keep you...First of all, congratulations! And I will keep you in my positive thoughts.<br><br>Although I respect your decision to be open about your pregnancies at an early stage, I disagree with the tenor of what you are saying, namely, that women who do not choose to share their pregnancy early on do so out of shame. <br><br>I have gone through miscarriages as well, and know the pain. Unlike you and Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-91555535052343001232009-02-02T10:36:17.728-08:002009-02-02T10:36:17.728-08:00I'm so with you on this one. I think I told pe...I'm so with you on this one. I think I told people when I was like 2 weeks preggo with the first. Privacy, to me, is overrated. Let's CONNECT peopole. Anyway, as I commented before, i'll be praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy!maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16707782759515075876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-63817641543736199192009-02-02T10:36:17.727-08:002009-02-02T10:36:17.727-08:00"I usually ask straight out, "Are you pr..."I usually ask straight out, "Are you pregnant?" "<br><br>Why? Does she not have the same right you do to set her own time table for telling people? Why force her to make a choice between lying to you and making her announcement on her own time? This just seems odd given the rest of your post. Indeed, blog.<br><br>BTW, found you through ATL. You are a hero to law associates Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-80504106707703356162009-02-02T10:38:50.661-08:002009-02-02T10:38:50.661-08:00Hi, Anonymous at 10:19, I am so sorry to hear abou...Hi, Anonymous at 10:19, I am so sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage. But I am glad that we share some of the thoughts. Thanks for the encouragement. And I wish you the best in your next attempts!<br><br>Anonymous at 10:28, thanks for your comment. I don't purport to speak on behalf of all women - or to have explanations for everything or anything. I tried to qualify my post with Shinyunghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03223210004939369907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-4262095996567121372009-02-02T10:44:29.213-08:002009-02-02T10:44:29.213-08:00Hi, Anonymous at 10:36,Maybe I think of my friends...Hi, Anonymous at 10:36,<br><br>Maybe I think of my friendships a differently than you. I value honesty a lot. And I guess I assume, whether wrongly or correctly, that my friends would share and that I'm not necessarily pigeon holing them by asking. <br><br>I guess I find this "delicacy" around pregnancy a little confounding. I would be curious to hear your views on why it's Shinyunghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03223210004939369907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-91298972314245745862009-02-02T10:53:00.604-08:002009-02-02T10:53:00.604-08:00Boundaries are very personal things. It's har...Boundaries are very personal things. It's hard to understand why someone else feels the need to not share when you would be quick to share the same thing with someone. I agree with Mary about wanting to connect with people, and stop all this "I'm a private person" stuff, but I've learned that such a perspective/attitude is not fair, because you don't know what happenedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-23557323582796536542009-02-02T10:57:36.660-08:002009-02-02T10:57:36.660-08:00Anonymous @ 10:53 AM:Well said.Anonymous @ 10:53 AM:<br><br>Well said.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-51399721011996992982009-02-02T10:59:35.712-08:002009-02-02T10:59:35.712-08:00Just saw your previous post! I am so happy for you...Just saw your previous post! I am so happy for you and sending you the best wishes. Take care and keep us posted.YPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-9732884932340054402009-02-02T10:59:35.711-08:002009-02-02T10:59:35.711-08:00Anonymous at 10:53,I hear what you are saying and ...Anonymous at 10:53,<br><br>I hear what you are saying and I generally agree with your thoughts. My thing about miscarriages and pregnancies, though, is that social convention seems to be skewed toward silencing women (and issues particular to women) and I wonder if that does not have unfortunate consequences that really harm women in the long run (i.e., whether it's dealing with miscarriage Shinyunghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03223210004939369907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-59289186917484686002009-02-02T11:29:10.968-08:002009-02-02T11:29:10.968-08:00I'm Anonymous@10:53. A couple follow-up thoug...I'm Anonymous@10:53. A couple follow-up thoughts:<br><br>"social convention seems to be skewed toward silencing women (and issues particular to women)"...no and yes.<br><br>No when it is non-health related, such as the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, which the New York Times described as "a law named for Ms. Ledbetter, an Alabama woman who at the end of a 19-year career as a Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-41018211510118480812009-02-02T11:48:44.144-08:002009-02-02T11:48:44.144-08:00I couldn't agree less with the statement "...I couldn't agree less with the statement "privacy is overrated" (not your statement, Shinyung). Perhaps YOUR privacy is overrated, but not necessarily someone else's.<br><br>We, in the U.S. are reknowned for airing everything to everyone, and now to the world via blogs, etc. While some people may find that healing, or personally fulfilling, others may find that invasive.<br><br>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-26300527801070018432009-02-02T12:41:30.727-08:002009-02-02T12:41:30.727-08:00Shinyung, I am so happy for you for your recent ne...Shinyung, I am so happy for you for your recent news. I have been following your story for a while since finding you through KM and have left comments here and there.<br><br>Also, I bond with your "nyung" letter combo in your name, as my name is "Ei-Nyung", so even though our syllables break down between different letters, I'll consider you my name sister. :)<br><br>I eingynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-55340421432642107552009-02-02T15:20:38.594-08:002009-02-02T15:20:38.594-08:00I guess this is a hot button issue. I hope I didn...I guess this is a hot button issue. I hope I didn't make anyone feel defensive.<br><br>Anonymous at 10:53, I think it's unfortunate that we in this culture don't know how to deal with death. For someone who has lost a loved one, it is one of the most important and sensitive periods of their lives, but many do not find the kind of support they need because people don't always knowShinyunghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03223210004939369907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-81166915059695940052009-02-02T16:25:11.014-08:002009-02-02T16:25:11.014-08:00I've been meaning to send you a "private&...I've been meaning to send you a "private" congrats (haha) but since I wanted to comment on this, I may as well start with: CONGRATULATIONS!<br><br>On a personal note, albeit different issue (my divorce), I have wondered about the hot buttons of someone else's decision to be private or not private. When I started to blog about frustrations in my marriage, I was sent a rebuking Mama Nabihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873676249958692247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-81593308300182116672009-02-02T16:34:28.577-08:002009-02-02T16:34:28.577-08:00Shinyung - this is Anonymous at 11:48 -- As you ca...Shinyung - this is Anonymous at 11:48 -- As you can see, I come out on the "leave me alone, I am private" side of the gate!<br><br>That said, I love your blog. And I would probably like you if I were to meet you.<br><br>YOu said that you fret that you may have said more than you should on your blog. Please don't look back on anything that you have said. YOu speak from the heart, andAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-83823678705289529892009-02-02T23:00:05.451-08:002009-02-02T23:00:05.451-08:00Wow. I am kind of shocked that anyone would ask a...Wow. I am kind of shocked that anyone would ask a woman if she's pregnant, friend or not. That just seems so very inappropriate and rude to me. I suppose asking a sister might be different, but not friends or casual lunch dates. <br><br>For the record, I'm not pregnant - I just don't drink alcohol at all, ever.<br><br>My mom had a slew (like 6 or 7) of miscarriages when she and my Greenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10931380770342598889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-1870031089214943662009-02-03T02:00:21.015-08:002009-02-03T02:00:21.015-08:00Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm with yo...Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm with you on the secrecy issue. I lost my baby daughter last year after a full term pregnancy (she was born with a heart defect). Two months later I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had a radical trachelectomy, which leaves me with only a 60% chance of carrying a pregnancy to term. My highest risk is in the second and third trimester, and there is Lacrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16217689579632933384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-80466952950049371202009-02-03T04:23:51.313-08:002009-02-03T04:23:51.313-08:00Congratulations!!!I am so excited and happy for yo...Congratulations!!!<br>I am so excited and happy for you.<br><br>I'll be praying too.<br>God bless you both and him too.Ayokahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07161597065773510436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-4445373636290649022009-02-03T08:51:16.385-08:002009-02-03T08:51:16.385-08:00Just to be clear - there would be two categories o...Just to be clear - there would be two categories of women who wouldn't share stories of pregnancies or miscarriages:<br><br>(1) those who wouldn't share b/c they would be concerned about making others' uncomfortable.<br><br>(2) those who wouldn't share b/c THEY don't want to share -- regardless of others' reactions (good or bad). I fall in this category. And I am offended Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-74751263313609189542009-02-03T09:06:54.389-08:002009-02-03T09:06:54.389-08:00Hi, Anonymous at 8:20, I'm guessing you're...Hi, Anonymous at 8:20, <br><br>I'm guessing you're an attorney from your comment because you write like an attorney. <br><br>I guess I disagree with you on two points. You wrote that the only way to change society's perception is not one-on-on but by "addressing society directly." We are the society. I think of the scene in Milk where Harvey tells his gay community that Shinyunghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03223210004939369907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-65084543255773241212009-02-03T11:37:26.540-08:002009-02-03T11:37:26.540-08:00I would also say that there is a third category of...I would also say that there is a third category of people who don't want to bring it up: people who are either fine or not fine with it, but the thing they don't want to deal with are other people's reactions to it. Whether it's a miscarriage, or the death of a parent, or illness, or whatever, sometimes it is enough to deal with things on your own terms without having to worry eingynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-66579860717358259042009-02-03T12:08:27.460-08:002009-02-03T12:08:27.460-08:00C'est moi, Anonymous @ 8:20. This is the last...C'est moi, Anonymous @ 8:20. This is the last one from me on this post, I promise.<br><br>Eingy - you are so dead-on right about that! I LOVED your comment at 11:37am.<br><br>Okay, Shinyung, here you go:<br><br>First off: Let me apologize for not saying the thing I most wanted to say and first thought to say: Congratulations! And for real, I would be telling everybody, probably.<br><br>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-74817655779953144352009-02-03T12:25:43.294-08:002009-02-03T12:25:43.294-08:00Hi, 8:20,Your comment cracks me up! Switching to ...Hi, 8:20,<br><br>Your comment cracks me up! Switching to law, you say? Hmmm, feel free to email me if you want to chat about it. I'll be happy to share what I experienced, etc. I didn't hate it but didn't love it either. I'll be objective.<br><br>As for your husband, I think you're stuck with him, and I'm sure he has other redeeming qualities. = )Shinyunghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03223210004939369907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6306924738545479337.post-45572418271952830252009-02-03T12:48:03.855-08:002009-02-03T12:48:03.855-08:00Wow -- thoughtful post and thoughtful comments. I...Wow -- thoughtful post and thoughtful comments. I'll just say that I find that women who do or don't talk about miscarriage and women who do or don't talk about infertility are very similar in my experience. I'm one of the latter group - my infertility has somewhat defined me. Now that I'm pregnant it still affects the way I feel about this pregnancy, I recognize that GypsyEsqnoreply@blogger.com