Thursday, September 18, 2008

My Little Secret

I have a secret.

For the past few days, I've been guarding it close to my chest lest a jealous god slap me down again. Hiding it from the light of day so that no harm can come to it. I am almost afraid to say it out loud. I want to pretend it hasn't happened yet so that nothing can undo it.

I'm not sure if I want others to know yet. I want to indulge in it for a while, like quiet moments in a bath. Protect it until it has the strength to stand up to this world.

Maybe wait a few months as so many other women do. I don't want another roller coaster ride, the sudden high and the sudden low. To see again those uncomfortable faces that don't know quite how to say, sorry... But could I bear it alone if something goes wrong again? Live alone - for however many months - just because I am afraid of what life may throw my way?

But I don't want to say it out loud. So I'll whisper it.

I am pregnant.

I am excited and afraid. I want it to happen this time. I don't want my body to fail me again. I don't want it to give up and leave me. I want this one to be a fighter. One who will stand up to whatever this crazy world may sling its way and say, Shove it.

And yes, I feel incredibly grateful.

31 comments:

  1. Wow! Yay! That's such wonderful news!

    (sorry for all the yelling, I know you were trying to whisper...but yay!!!)

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  2. Georgia, you're so cute! There's a side of me that wants to shout it out. (I was on your site this morning - so glad to hear about your writing class. That's awesome!)

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  3. Yay! Anonymous readers will pray for you and your little one :)

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  4. That is AMAZING news. You will be in my prayers!

    When will you be due? And will continue your blog?

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  5. That is AMAZING news. You will be in my prayers!

    When will you be due? And will continue your blog?

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  6. All, thank you so much for your notes! Yes, I will definitely keep blogging, and if all goes well, we'll see a little one in late May next year.

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  7. Congratulations! I'm very happy for you,
    Jen Kreder

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  8. Hi, Jen! Thanks for your note (and thanks for reading my blog). = )

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  9. I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU! I'm so glad that after all of the crap you have gone through you've been blessed with another pregnancy. I hope you share your journey with us. I'll be praying for you and the little one.

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  10. Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you guys!

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  11. So happy for you! I enjoy reading your blog (heard about it from an ABA email a couple months ago) and will send happy, healthy thoughts your way. Thank you for sharing your stories.

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  12. Congratulations! I am so thrilled for you. I've been reading your blog ever since I discovered it on an ABA news piece. I cried when I read about your mc having gone through that myself. I can imagine how you feel now -- thrilled and worried; excited but cautious. Try to relax and enjoy this special time.

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  13. As a thirty something Asian American woman at a huge law firm, I am so moved by your blog because I relate to it. I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunities that I have had, and that my mother never did, but wonder if I will end up a childless partner at a huge firm, wondering if it was all worth it. I am not usually a very religious person, but I pray that you will have this baby and that your life, and your child's life, will be full of meaning and happiness.

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  14. What are your plans now in terms of work? Will you want to "take it easy" and continue doing small projects? The most important thing is that you not stress yourself, and that you take plenty of time to take good care of yourself! You deserve all the best that life has to offer.

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  15. CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you continue to feel good about telling so soon. I didn't with my first pregnancy, and it was a looong time to keep a secret! I've been thinking about you fairly often, wondering whether you were pregnant. I'm SO happy for you- please keep us updated!

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  16. Congratulations! Once again God has blessed your family with the amazing gifts of hope, life, and love. I am so happy for you.

    Faith-based, not Faithless!

    Stay strong and resolute, come what may.

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  17. Congratulation & prayers your way!

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  18. Everyone, thank you for your warm thoughts! They mean a lot. Truly.

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  19. shinyung, we love you, your blog and your little secret. hope to see you and jeff soon. xoxo

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  20. This is so great. I know I'm late, but I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!

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  21. Hooray! I am too--I just found out yesterday. I think I'll keep it secret for a while longer though (except here, yay anonymous posting). All my best wishes in the months ahead...

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  22. Congratulations, Shinyung. I'm very excited and hopeful for you! -주

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  23. (Came over from KM)

    Congratulations! I am hoping next month is the magic month for me & my husband. :)

    All health and joy to you and yours!

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  24. 1:11 -- please keep me posted on your progress!

    Eingy - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

    Joonx, Nadia, and Erma -- thanks for writing in & for reading!

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  25. Love how I found out your fantastic news by just happening to peruse your blog today. So happy for you and Jeff. Much love to you both. Is this sort of why I won't see you at Monica and Brett's wine tasting?

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  26. This is 1:11 writing again...it's been a nerve-wracking week...hcg numbers aren't rising as fast as they should but we'll learn more from an ultrasound on 10/20. I'm trying to stay positive and not perseverate too much (not easy). I hope all is going well for you--the end of the first trimester is in sight, right? Spoil yourself as much as possible, you deserve it!
    And by the way, thanks for volunteering for Obama, I'm so happy to see the poll numbers these days (fivethirtyeight.com is especially uplifting).

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  27. Hi, 1:11,

    I had a friend who had the same experience (actually her numbers dropped so much that she thought it was over and went home & drank a glass of red wine) but it turned out things were fine after all. She now has a healthy son. So, hang in there. I have my ultrasound the day after yours. I look forward to hearing your good news next week! (And yes, there is so much riding on this election. Let's hope all turns out well.)

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  28. It's 1:11 again--unfortunately, things did not work out for me this time. It's sad but not unexpected--I just didn't feel pregnant this time (I have a one year old and I felt pretty sick by the time I was six weeks' pregnant with him). Still, I'm optimistic that all will go well next time. I hope you're doing well. I was sorry to read about your scare but it sounds like everything is fine, thank goodness. A few weeks from now you'll be able to stop worrying and start enjoying the pregnancy. Good luck with everything tomorrow--I am looking forward to reading about how you got to see your little one on the ultrasound!
    -Amanda

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  29. Hi, Amanda,

    Oh, how sad you must be. I am so sorry to hear about it. I know it's not easy even if you were expecting it somewhat. Please take good care of yourself in the meantime. And if you want to chat more about it, please feel free to comment further or email me (my email address is on my profile page).

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