Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I had a scare the Saturday before last. We were in Tahiti for a friend's wedding to be held that evening. Sometime in the late morning, I went to the bathroom, and as I usually do, I looked down to make sure I didn't see anything unusual. When I wiped myself, I saw a smudge of blood. The sight of it stopped my breath. The first thing to come to mind was, oh, no, not again. I walked out of the bathroom, crying and muttering, not again, not again. I went to Jeff and bawled for a good thirty minutes. Then we just lay in bed for a while, afraid to move.

I wondered what was wrong with my body and if it was defective somehow. I feared that motherhood would be denied to me. And I regretted having made the trip to Tahiti. We had taken the 8 1/2 hour flight two days earlier, and even though my doctor said flying was safe, I kept hearing the voice of my mother who had repeatedly admonished against traveling during early pregnancy.

I waited for the cramps to start. An hour passed, then two, then three. Nothing. Then we dressed for the wedding and celebrated my friend's happy day with preoccupied minds. We left the reception early after dinner and lay in bed, waiting again for a repeat of what happened the last time. Every time I went to the bathroom, I scrutinized the bowl. Nothing.

We passed the next day and the day after straddling apprehension and hope. The day after brought us cautious optimism. It is now over 10 days later and I seem to be still very much pregnant. All I can think about is getting past the next three weeks until I hit my second trimester.

When I brought this up with another pregnant friend of mine yesterday, she reminded me that we are signing up for a lifetime of worrying. Just wait til the kid hits puberty. I'll have to start working on my worry face now...


  1. That must have been so scary. I'm so glad everything is going well now. My very best wishes in the weeks and months ahead.

  2. What a terrifying feeling, and so relieved to hear you're fine. I'm sure your doctor has told you that a little spotting is normal. As the embryo embeds itself deeper and deeper into the uterus, some cells are shed. You should also know that it's normal to have some mild cramping throughout pregnancy, and during the third semester you can get a lot of those Braxton-Hicks contractions that feel like cramps. Has the doctor heard the baby's heartbeat yet? they always told me that's the best sign. Once they hear the heartbeat, chances of a successful pregnancy go up exponentially.

    Mazel Tov to you!

  3. I worried a lot even though I didn't have a precedence. I can't imagine...

  4. I love the line about signing up for a lifetime of worrying.So true!

    I'm sure I can speak for all your loyal readers when I say I send you my best wishes, and we'll be around. I hope to follow your journey through your writing until the day your precious bundle of joy arrives!

  5. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Stay positive.

  6. So glad it was a false alarm. How frightening. I can't even imagine.