Thursday, November 6, 2008

Not Again...

I am sad to report that I had another miscarriage yesterday. We went in for our genetic counseling and CVS and found out that the fetus did not have a heart beat when we did the ultrasound. Apparently, it stopped growing shortly after my last ultrasound when we saw the heartbeat at 9 weeks and 3 days. For the past two weeks, my placenta and ovaries continued to nurture the little thing as if it were still alive, which is why I continued to have pregnancy symptoms. At least this time, I was spared the pain of watching the life leak out of me and having to drain myself every few minutes.

So, we're back to the drawing board. I'm not sure how I'm feeling yet. A little numb still. We are planning to undergo some tests to see if they can figure out what went wrong. I'm trying not to get too discouraged because I've heard so many success stories from many of you who've had a much tougher time. So for now, I'm just going to hang in here and try not feel too sad for myself.

34 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear that. Wish you all the best in the future.

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  2. Hang in there. These things are incredibly difficult, unbearable at times, especially because they are completely out of your control and us lawyers especially are used to being in control. I can happily say though that after 4 miscarriages, I have 2 beautiful, healthy children. I wish you the same- all of this agony will be worth it when you finally get to bring your baby home.

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  3. Please take care of yourself.

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  4. I'm very sorry to hear this, Shinyung.
    I am glad you're at least hanging in there. You have my unconditional support

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  5. A Friend in BuffaloNovember 6, 2008 at 11:54 AM

    Wishing you -- and your husband -- compassion, sympathy and prayer. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  6. I have never posted comments in a blog before, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I started following your story on ATL (I am also a former biglaw associate) and eventually came across a link to your blog. I have been reading for awhile and think your story and your writing are incredible. Wishing you peace, strength, and health as you get through this difficult time.

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  7. I'm so sorry. Do please take care of yourself and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

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  8. I don't know if you are religious, but God never puts more on you than you can bear.

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  9. I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself!

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  10. I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say that isn't trite or cheap, but I am thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

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  11. I am so sorry. You will need time to heal. Please allow yourself to go through all the relevant emotions - sadness, anger, confusion as to what to do. After my miscarriage, I thought had resolved things for myself, but I hadn't. It all takes time. Sometime months, even if you have another pregnancy in the interim. You WILL have the child or children that you wish for. Never lose hope. You will absolutely have your children. For now, my prayers are with you as you grieve the loss of your angel in heaven.

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  12. Shinyung - very sorry to hear that, but hang in there. It will happen for you.

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  13. Be encouraged and stay prayerful. My cousin lost 5 children all between the 2 and third trimesters. The last being in the 8 month and she now has 4 beautiful children. It will happen for you, believe and trust in God.

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  14. I am thinking of you, sending good thoughts.

    You and I have a story a little alike, but you express things so very, very well. I've found some inspiration from you,

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  15. Everyone, thank you for your warm and lovely notes. We take strength from your comments and feel less alone.

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  16. Sorry for your loss. I hope you take some time to deal with it, in this world where everybody only cares about today and tomorrow and wants to forget about yesterday. I haven't followed your posts real closely, but given this is your second miscarriage I can imagine how difficult it is. I have a 17 month old son that almost wasn't because I was in my first semester of law school when my partner got pregnant, and we had only recently met. Thankfully we decided that family comes before career and I'm happy to report I've never been happier. Maybe not practicing law and being a full-time mother is in your future? Oh and while it's not any of my business, I hear funerals for miscarriages are good for the soul to heal.
    Take care.

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  17. Dear Shinyung, I am very sorry to hear about your loss and wish you strength and perseverance. A big warm hug.

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  18. I am very sorry that you lost that heartbeat. I give you mine for what it's worth. I don't have much time to visit other blogs, but I remember when you whispered the news of this new hope.

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  19. really sorry to hear about your loss. i join the others here in sending you my support. hang in there - you'll get through this. give yourself permission to feel however you feel today, tomorrow, and for as many days after that as it takes.

    best wishes.

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  20. Please take care of yourself. You and your family will get through this and there will be children in your future. You are a truly special soul.

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  21. I am so sorry to learn of your sad news. You and your husband will be parents one day, and will cherish your child/children all the more knowing that they are precious gifts.

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  22. I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been there, too, and it's one of the worst feelings in the whole world. Please try to be good to yourself during this difficult time and realize that you have a lot of support out there.

    Twizzle

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  23. I am so sorry to hear that, Shinyung. You're in my thoughts,
    Jen Kreder

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  24. I'm terribly sorry Shinyung. Hang in there. Take care, it's going to happen. Wishing you much peace and success.

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  25. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

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  26. Words cannot describe how sorry I am to hear this. When I read your post my heart sank into my stomach. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Don't give up hope.

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  27. I am so, truly heart broken for you and your husband. I don't know what else to say, but my heart goes out to you both.

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  28. Dear Shinyung, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Wishing you strength and hope during such a sorrowful time.

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  29. So so so sorry to hear this

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  30. My heart jumped into my throat when I read this entry.

    I was so hoping that all would be well...

    Good luck to you and your husband, and I pray that you both receive all that must be coming your way after you've gone down such a difficult path.

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